I am midnight drunk by noon
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
