I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
