the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
