so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
