and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You ruined the universe
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
