i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
