Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
