Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize