doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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