The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
