put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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