I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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