then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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