I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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