After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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