walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize