everyone is single if you try hard enough
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
