OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize