the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
