Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
