Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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