omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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