6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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