Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
