I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
