So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
