but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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