they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
