Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
