haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
