is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
