Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
