this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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