One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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