if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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