Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
