I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
