I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
