The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
