i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize