so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
