not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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