Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
