i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
