Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
