you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
