sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Ketchup is God's man juice
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
