No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize