Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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