Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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