No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
