If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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