mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
