i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
