Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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