So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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