I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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