don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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