You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
