is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
