Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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