I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
