Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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