i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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