I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The Olympian is in my bed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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