I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
