what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
