i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
