check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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