Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
