North Korea, Best Korea!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
