i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
