just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
