I bet he comes in French.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
