My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize