Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
