One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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