Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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