I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
