I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
