What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
