Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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