He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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