can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
