He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
