you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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