Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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