i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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