My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
