why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so let's talk penis.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
