we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
