I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
