btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
