You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
