well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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