I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
