I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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