wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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