Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
