It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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