I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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