this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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