take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
