I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
