Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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