One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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