I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize