somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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